People often say rebound relationships don’t work. I don’t agree as there are plenty of happy couples out there who met shortly after breaking up with someone else.
So what defines a rebound relationship? Usually it is where someone starts going out with another person very soon after leaving or being left by a former lover. If you have met somebody who seems to tick all the boxes you were looking for in a partner, I certainly would not dump them. Yes, they could dump you, but so could anyone new that you meet; so why worry about it. You could just as easily be the person they have been looking for.
Relationships break down for all sorts of reasons. It is actually more common for two people to grow apart rather than separate due to an affair or similar reason. If your current partner split from his/her ex, they did it for a reason. If they had been together for a long time, they probably grew apart. Or they may have realised that once the initial attraction had worn off, they were not compatible enough to sustain a long term relationship.
If your new lover has just recently rejoined the single scene, you do need to be a little careful. But you would proceed slowly when dating any new person; wouldn’t you? Try to find out why they split with their partner, but for heaven’s sake, don’t make them feel like they are being interrogated. Men in particular are very slow to speak about their feelings. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, do not jump to the conclusion that he doesn’t like you or find you attractive.
I would also advise against asking to see a picture of the former partner. You do not want to start comparing yourself to them and it is difficult not to do this when you know what they look like. If you are part of the same social circle, it could be even harder not to draw comparisons. If you don’t do it yourself, you may find some of your mutual friends do. Try to discourage/ignore these conversations as they are unhelpful. Nobody knows what happened between a couple other than those two people.
If you are the one on the rebound you need to be sure of your motivation for getting involved. Are you looking for a short fling or a long term love affair? Whatever you do, don’t get involved with another man to make your ex jealous or for revenge. It rarely works and it isn’t fair to play with the new persons emotions.
You may find, just like I did, that your rebound relationship never ends and in fact turns into the love affair of the century. We all need some more fun in our life so try to enjoy yourself with your new partner and see where it leads. Whoever says you should avoid rebound relationships is missing out on a whole lot of fun.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Should You Try Getting Over A Relationship Or Put Your Energy Into Getting Your Ex Back
When we split from a lover, we can either try getting over a relationship or try getting them back. It obviously depends on whether you still love your ex as to which one you chose.
If you do want your ex back, you need to make every attempt to achieve this. You and only you know whether he or she makes you happy and would make your life complete. Your family and friends may try to advise you but remember that they are not impartial. They love you and hopefully want what is best for you but sometimes people act with their own interests in mind.
If your friends are all single, they may have been jealous of your love affair and would prefer to keep you single. If they didn’t like your partner, they are not going to encourage you to get him/her back.
Couples, as we know, break up for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes there is no coming back from the split and you have to accept it. Often especially if it was caused by something trivial or a misunderstanding, you could salvage things if only one of you would swallow their pride and initiate contact. Usually this will have to be the man as society still thinks it is the man who should do the chasing. A woman who makes the first move can be seen as being desperate.
Examine your own feelings before you decide which option to choose. Do you want to get back with your ex, to dump them so they know how it feels? These are games for teenagers to play so if that is your motivation, do yourself a favour and move on. But if you really do believe this person to be your soul mate, you need to plan a way to get them back in your life.
Try enlisting the help of their family and friends. Now there is a fine line between asking for help and becoming a stalker so take it slowly. Just happen to be at the places these people hang out i.e. bump into them by accident and see how ms/mr ex is doing. Make sure you are looking good so that the reports back are favourable. If you haven’t slept for days, plaster on the makeup. You do not want it going back to your lover that you looked miserable and suicidal.
You could always try the direct approach and contact your former partner. Ask them out for a friendly drink or meal and see where it goes. You never know they could have been dying to make contact but were afraid that you would not entertain them. People are funny creatures –they will often let fear of the unknown hinder their future happiness.
Whatever you decide, remember that we only get one shot at life. It is not a dress rehearsal. Getting over a relationship or getting back with your ex are both achievable, the question is which one do you want to succeed at?
If you do want your ex back, you need to make every attempt to achieve this. You and only you know whether he or she makes you happy and would make your life complete. Your family and friends may try to advise you but remember that they are not impartial. They love you and hopefully want what is best for you but sometimes people act with their own interests in mind.
If your friends are all single, they may have been jealous of your love affair and would prefer to keep you single. If they didn’t like your partner, they are not going to encourage you to get him/her back.
Couples, as we know, break up for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes there is no coming back from the split and you have to accept it. Often especially if it was caused by something trivial or a misunderstanding, you could salvage things if only one of you would swallow their pride and initiate contact. Usually this will have to be the man as society still thinks it is the man who should do the chasing. A woman who makes the first move can be seen as being desperate.
Examine your own feelings before you decide which option to choose. Do you want to get back with your ex, to dump them so they know how it feels? These are games for teenagers to play so if that is your motivation, do yourself a favour and move on. But if you really do believe this person to be your soul mate, you need to plan a way to get them back in your life.
Try enlisting the help of their family and friends. Now there is a fine line between asking for help and becoming a stalker so take it slowly. Just happen to be at the places these people hang out i.e. bump into them by accident and see how ms/mr ex is doing. Make sure you are looking good so that the reports back are favourable. If you haven’t slept for days, plaster on the makeup. You do not want it going back to your lover that you looked miserable and suicidal.
You could always try the direct approach and contact your former partner. Ask them out for a friendly drink or meal and see where it goes. You never know they could have been dying to make contact but were afraid that you would not entertain them. People are funny creatures –they will often let fear of the unknown hinder their future happiness.
Whatever you decide, remember that we only get one shot at life. It is not a dress rehearsal. Getting over a relationship or getting back with your ex are both achievable, the question is which one do you want to succeed at?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Do You Want To Be The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave
Many women dream of becoming the women men adore and never want to leave. But just as many women go about it in the totally wrong way and end up losing one guy after another. What is the secret? I'll show you.
The first thing you have to do is totally change your way of thinking. Our society has done a huge disservice to men and women by creating unrealistic expectations of what men and women should be.
For example, for most of our history we have been taught that men are overly sexual and that they really only want sex. We've been led to believe that if we give our man enough sex he'll love us forever and never leave. That is complete and utter nonsense!
Yes men like sex, but surprise, so do women! Women have just as high of a sex drive as men but the difference is our society has encouraged men to follow their sex drive while women have been taught that 'good girls' will wait until they're married. The result? Men judge their 'manliness' on the number of conquests they make and women are frustrated and angry that they are forced to put their needs on hold.
So if you want to keep your man happy you need to get over the idea that he needs sex all the time or that he needs it more than you. Men and women really aren't that different in what they need and want from a relationship. One word can describe what they want: connection.
As humans we all need to feel connected to others. If you can remember that and base your relationship on that fact you will have a great chance of making your man love you forever.
A connection can be made emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. The more of these types of connections you and your man have the stronger your relationship will be. If you want to keep him in love with you stay in love with yourself. Don't get sidetracked and put all your desires on hold to accommodate your man. Most men will be flattered with that in the short term but in the long run they'll get bored.
After all, you have to remember who you were when you met, he was attracted to that person so why would you change and become some boring, clingy person now?
The women men adore and never want to leave knows all of theses things. She gives her man the connections he needs while keeping her own identity intact. She doesn't put his needs above hers, but she lets him know that she is his biggest fan and loves and accepts him unconditionally.
The first thing you have to do is totally change your way of thinking. Our society has done a huge disservice to men and women by creating unrealistic expectations of what men and women should be.
For example, for most of our history we have been taught that men are overly sexual and that they really only want sex. We've been led to believe that if we give our man enough sex he'll love us forever and never leave. That is complete and utter nonsense!
Yes men like sex, but surprise, so do women! Women have just as high of a sex drive as men but the difference is our society has encouraged men to follow their sex drive while women have been taught that 'good girls' will wait until they're married. The result? Men judge their 'manliness' on the number of conquests they make and women are frustrated and angry that they are forced to put their needs on hold.
So if you want to keep your man happy you need to get over the idea that he needs sex all the time or that he needs it more than you. Men and women really aren't that different in what they need and want from a relationship. One word can describe what they want: connection.
As humans we all need to feel connected to others. If you can remember that and base your relationship on that fact you will have a great chance of making your man love you forever.
A connection can be made emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. The more of these types of connections you and your man have the stronger your relationship will be. If you want to keep him in love with you stay in love with yourself. Don't get sidetracked and put all your desires on hold to accommodate your man. Most men will be flattered with that in the short term but in the long run they'll get bored.
After all, you have to remember who you were when you met, he was attracted to that person so why would you change and become some boring, clingy person now?
The women men adore and never want to leave knows all of theses things. She gives her man the connections he needs while keeping her own identity intact. She doesn't put his needs above hers, but she lets him know that she is his biggest fan and loves and accepts him unconditionally.
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